Taking measurements once a month is proving to be a bit tricky. If the measuring tape is just 1/2 an inch out of place it can change the measurement entirely, so I am changing my tactic slightly to make it easier and more consistent each month.
The changes in the last month are:
Left calf muscle 41cm *
Right calf muscle 30cm *
Right knee was 42cm now 40cm
Left knee was 41cm now 39 cm
Right thigh was 61cm now 57cm *
Left thigh was 61cm now 57cm *
Hips were 113cm now 111cm
Waist 95cm no change
Bust 109cm no change
Right upper arm now 39cm *
Left upper arm now 40cm *
A * denotes that I have added a new measurement or have slightly changed the point of where the measurement has been taken. My upper arms for instance are now measuring larger than when I originally started but this is due to measuring from the widest part. I have no idea which part of my upper arm I was taking a measurement from when I first started, all I know is that every month it varies too greatly to be a reliable reading.
I am pleased that I seem to be getting a downward trend each month in most areas, the only parts that do not seem to be changing are my torso area - so my waist, hips and bust! I haven't been doing much in the way of exercise (well... ok... none at all) except for the incidental calorie burning from housework and working my part time job so it's time to step it up a bit and start running from predators.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Day 2
of agony.
Yup, it's that most wonderful time of the month.
Feeling sorry for myself at the moment, hubby is indulging me a little by cooking dinner last night (chicken curry - really good!). I haven't been able to sleep well either so my FAT switch is probably on due to that.
Just two more days until I get out the measuring tape, hopefully the bloating from my menstrual cycle will have gone down by then, so I will measure on the 30th then I might measure myself again on the 4th of August just to see if that shows any difference.
Can I go back to bed now please?
Yup, it's that most wonderful time of the month.
Feeling sorry for myself at the moment, hubby is indulging me a little by cooking dinner last night (chicken curry - really good!). I haven't been able to sleep well either so my FAT switch is probably on due to that.
Just two more days until I get out the measuring tape, hopefully the bloating from my menstrual cycle will have gone down by then, so I will measure on the 30th then I might measure myself again on the 4th of August just to see if that shows any difference.
Can I go back to bed now please?
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Humiliation
On my spiritual journey I have followed the work of Caroline Myss for a couple of years. Her work is very in-depth and is too much for me to digest but occasionally I strike gold with something.
Today I was listening to a radio interview and Caroline mentioned how humiliation is the number one fear in human beings. We all fear humiliation whether we choose to believe that or not. Public speaking is a perfect example of a situation that strikes the fear of humiliation in many. I can think of many instances in my life when I felt humiliated, it's not easy to forget. Many times I have been frozen with fear or I completely avoided certain situations so that I wouldn't have to risk feeling humiliation.
I can see how humiliation has flicked on my FAT switch, I have become so terrified of being stared at, judged, scorned, laughed at. Fat is my protection even though it is probably the fat that attracts all the humiliating circumstances and events in the first place.
My earliest recollection of humiliation is at my friend Danny's house, he and I went to the same school and were in the same class. We were drawing pictures one day, I think I was trying to draw a person but to be honest I have never been good at drawing or painting. I made such a mess of this particular drawing that I tried to hide my work but Danny insisted that I show it to him. I even tried to run out of his house and go home to avoid him seeing what I had drawn but he was stronger than I and managed to wrestle the piece of paper off me. We must have only been about 8 or 9 years old but I can still remember it and still feel the heat of humiliation and anger burning within me.
My father humiliated me by looking at me with scorn and disapproval.
My high school biology teacher humiliated me because I got an answer wrong in a test and she read the answer out to the class for everyone to have a laugh and turn and stare at me.
My 3rd grade teacher drew attention to my weight which attracted teasing from a boy in my class.
I hate criticism from others and I can see how all these incidents of humiliation over the years have moulded my emotional maturity. I have a short temper and don't tolerate people telling me that I am wrong or pointing out my shortcomings, faults or inadequacies. And it's probably why I am so quick to point them out in others at times, it's my inner child lashing out. If she is going to be humiliated then what is her defense but to humiliate others and make them feel the embarrassment and shame that she does.
These days I feel so much shame about my body shape that I am always trying to cover it up in public. Winter is my favourite season because I can layer up, wear coats and scarves and not worry so much about how other people see me. I hate warm days because it means I can't wear a jacket that will hide the unwanted lumps and rolls of fat. Today, for instance, I walked down the high street to do some shopping but I constantly checked my reflection in shop windows and tried so hard to keep my abs tight so that my top wouldn't cling to the spare tyres. I was completely aware of how tense I felt as I walked along, I was sure everyone was staring at me as I passed by. Why do their opinions about my appearance matter so much to me???
Today I was listening to a radio interview and Caroline mentioned how humiliation is the number one fear in human beings. We all fear humiliation whether we choose to believe that or not. Public speaking is a perfect example of a situation that strikes the fear of humiliation in many. I can think of many instances in my life when I felt humiliated, it's not easy to forget. Many times I have been frozen with fear or I completely avoided certain situations so that I wouldn't have to risk feeling humiliation.
I can see how humiliation has flicked on my FAT switch, I have become so terrified of being stared at, judged, scorned, laughed at. Fat is my protection even though it is probably the fat that attracts all the humiliating circumstances and events in the first place.
My earliest recollection of humiliation is at my friend Danny's house, he and I went to the same school and were in the same class. We were drawing pictures one day, I think I was trying to draw a person but to be honest I have never been good at drawing or painting. I made such a mess of this particular drawing that I tried to hide my work but Danny insisted that I show it to him. I even tried to run out of his house and go home to avoid him seeing what I had drawn but he was stronger than I and managed to wrestle the piece of paper off me. We must have only been about 8 or 9 years old but I can still remember it and still feel the heat of humiliation and anger burning within me.
My father humiliated me by looking at me with scorn and disapproval.
My high school biology teacher humiliated me because I got an answer wrong in a test and she read the answer out to the class for everyone to have a laugh and turn and stare at me.
My 3rd grade teacher drew attention to my weight which attracted teasing from a boy in my class.
I hate criticism from others and I can see how all these incidents of humiliation over the years have moulded my emotional maturity. I have a short temper and don't tolerate people telling me that I am wrong or pointing out my shortcomings, faults or inadequacies. And it's probably why I am so quick to point them out in others at times, it's my inner child lashing out. If she is going to be humiliated then what is her defense but to humiliate others and make them feel the embarrassment and shame that she does.
These days I feel so much shame about my body shape that I am always trying to cover it up in public. Winter is my favourite season because I can layer up, wear coats and scarves and not worry so much about how other people see me. I hate warm days because it means I can't wear a jacket that will hide the unwanted lumps and rolls of fat. Today, for instance, I walked down the high street to do some shopping but I constantly checked my reflection in shop windows and tried so hard to keep my abs tight so that my top wouldn't cling to the spare tyres. I was completely aware of how tense I felt as I walked along, I was sure everyone was staring at me as I passed by. Why do their opinions about my appearance matter so much to me???
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Leptin
What is Leptin?
Leptin is the hormone that sends messages to the brain that we may suppress craving and curb our appetites.
Leptin is the Master Hormone that controls obesity and weight loss
The more fat your body has, the more Leptin it produces
Leptin travels through your blood stream and communicates to the Hypothalamus (aka "the animal brain") how much fat the body is storing
Under normal circumstances (ie there is no Leptin Resistance), if there is too much Leptin:
When your body is suffering from Leptin Resistance:
Chronic stresses decrease your body's response to Leptin. Jon also refers to this as a famine response/FAT switch - the body becomes resistant to leptin so you gain weight (preparing for a FIGHT response).
How do we get our bodies to become more sensitive to Leptin????
SUNLIGHT
A tiger?
A giant spider?
(sorry, I couldn't bring myself to post a pic of a spider, that's how much they scare me!!)
Or a Labradoodle?
(hahaha! If I saw a Labradoodle chasing after me, I'd probably roll on the ground laughing :D just thinking or saying the word "labradoodle" makes me weak with laughter!!)
Leptin is the hormone that sends messages to the brain that we may suppress craving and curb our appetites.
Leptin is the Master Hormone that controls obesity and weight loss
The more fat your body has, the more Leptin it produces
Under normal circumstances (ie there is no Leptin Resistance), if there is too much Leptin:
- you become less hungry
- you become more sensitive to sweet things
- your metabolism speeds up
- your body becomes more efficient at burning fat (AKA the THIN program!)
When your body is suffering from Leptin Resistance:
- it is the same as not having Leptin at all so it takes your body alot longer to feel full;
- your tongue becomes less sensitive to sweet foods so you crave more to satisfy you;
- the thyroid fails to secrete certain hormones leading to an excess of other hormones = hormonal imbalance;
- you become insulin resistant
Chronic stresses decrease your body's response to Leptin. Jon also refers to this as a famine response/FAT switch - the body becomes resistant to leptin so you gain weight (preparing for a FIGHT response).
Acute stresses increase your body's response to Leptin so you lose weight
(preparing for a FLIGHT response).How do we get our bodies to become more sensitive to Leptin????
SUNLIGHT
- increases level of Vitamin D which decreases the levels of Proinflammatory Cytokines
- signals to the body that it is the season where there is more abundant food and it is safe to carry less fat (Spring/Summer)
- acutely increases plasma Leptin concentrations which increases metabolic rate and decreases hunger
- reduces levels of triglycerides in the blood stream
- reduces inflammation
- decreases anxiety & depression
- helps the brain to repair damage by promoting neuronal growth
- when the brain releases the adrenalin hormone it stimulates the fat cells to release energy (fat!)
A tiger?
A giant spider?
(sorry, I couldn't bring myself to post a pic of a spider, that's how much they scare me!!)
Or a Labradoodle?
(hahaha! If I saw a Labradoodle chasing after me, I'd probably roll on the ground laughing :D just thinking or saying the word "labradoodle" makes me weak with laughter!!)
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Bitterness
I apologize in advance if this post starts getting a little too heavy for some people.
My husband and I were running a business in Australia providing labour and machinery for my FIL's business. To cut a long story VERY short, we fell out with my FIL over financial issues (he was underpaying us for our work) and we ended up having to sell off our stock and assets to pay off a huge chunk of debt. We walked away from the business still owing alot of money and needing to declare ourselves bankrupt. FIL still owes us a huge chunk of money but has refused to pay us a cent. We can't afford to take legal action so he has got away with not paying us (for now).
We had hoped, after all was said and done, that we could put some money aside as a deposit on a house or a block of land but we couldn't even do that as we had to pay out our loans and debts. I guess I ought be grateful that we have a roof over our heads at the moment - the house we live in was provided to us as part of DH's employment contract where he works now - but I still carry this resentment and envy toward people who own or are paying off the homes they live in. Even watching Location, Location, Location gets me on edge, I see these rich people looking at houses and I just wonder where on earth they are getting all this money from to afford such beautiful homes. I get angry when I think about how other people are really making something of their lives while we struggle to even save a little. Where did we go wrong?
Perhaps the universe was stepping in and aligning people and circumstances to force us to take that holiday to the UK that would ultimately lead to us living there. If things had turned out the way DH wanted, his father would have retired and we would have got ourselves into even deeper debt so that we could run a farm on our own.
Despite the bitterness and the "why us" self pitying, I remind myself that there MUST be a reason why we are here. Jon Gabriel's business partner booked him on a different flight to the fateful United Airlines Flight 93, then when his business collapsed a short time later, Jon said that his life had been spared twice. So maybe OUR lives have been spared from the failure of our business and we were given the opportunity to move to the UK and start afresh.
That is the only way I have been able to reconcile the losses we have endured over the last 5 years.
We lost not only our business but four pregnancies along the way. Every time I see a pregnant woman or a mum with a young baby I flinch involuntarily or I stare at them while feeling pain in my heart and wondering if that will ever be me. I dread pregnancy announcements from friends and family, I have even distanced myself from certain family members because of their apparent ease in conceiving and popping out babies, I don't even want to hear about the wonderful lives they are leading in their million dollar rural homes surrounded by horses and babies and boats and four wheel drives. I guess this is the part I am having the most difficulty reconciling, that they are all doing so well for themselves while my own life has been reduced to a few cubic metres of furniture (most of which is still stuck in Australia because we can't afford to ship it to the UK!). That is what I struggle to accept the most.
DH and I have worked so damn hard, we busted our gut and ended up with what? I try so hard to just be grateful for what we have, we are in a much better position than many other people. Who am I to complain?
So I guess the whole point of this rather long post is that this is probably one great big FAT switch for me. Thanks for reading, I do feel like a load has been lifted now.
My husband and I were running a business in Australia providing labour and machinery for my FIL's business. To cut a long story VERY short, we fell out with my FIL over financial issues (he was underpaying us for our work) and we ended up having to sell off our stock and assets to pay off a huge chunk of debt. We walked away from the business still owing alot of money and needing to declare ourselves bankrupt. FIL still owes us a huge chunk of money but has refused to pay us a cent. We can't afford to take legal action so he has got away with not paying us (for now).
We had hoped, after all was said and done, that we could put some money aside as a deposit on a house or a block of land but we couldn't even do that as we had to pay out our loans and debts. I guess I ought be grateful that we have a roof over our heads at the moment - the house we live in was provided to us as part of DH's employment contract where he works now - but I still carry this resentment and envy toward people who own or are paying off the homes they live in. Even watching Location, Location, Location gets me on edge, I see these rich people looking at houses and I just wonder where on earth they are getting all this money from to afford such beautiful homes. I get angry when I think about how other people are really making something of their lives while we struggle to even save a little. Where did we go wrong?
Perhaps the universe was stepping in and aligning people and circumstances to force us to take that holiday to the UK that would ultimately lead to us living there. If things had turned out the way DH wanted, his father would have retired and we would have got ourselves into even deeper debt so that we could run a farm on our own.
Despite the bitterness and the "why us" self pitying, I remind myself that there MUST be a reason why we are here. Jon Gabriel's business partner booked him on a different flight to the fateful United Airlines Flight 93, then when his business collapsed a short time later, Jon said that his life had been spared twice. So maybe OUR lives have been spared from the failure of our business and we were given the opportunity to move to the UK and start afresh.
That is the only way I have been able to reconcile the losses we have endured over the last 5 years.
We lost not only our business but four pregnancies along the way. Every time I see a pregnant woman or a mum with a young baby I flinch involuntarily or I stare at them while feeling pain in my heart and wondering if that will ever be me. I dread pregnancy announcements from friends and family, I have even distanced myself from certain family members because of their apparent ease in conceiving and popping out babies, I don't even want to hear about the wonderful lives they are leading in their million dollar rural homes surrounded by horses and babies and boats and four wheel drives. I guess this is the part I am having the most difficulty reconciling, that they are all doing so well for themselves while my own life has been reduced to a few cubic metres of furniture (most of which is still stuck in Australia because we can't afford to ship it to the UK!). That is what I struggle to accept the most.
DH and I have worked so damn hard, we busted our gut and ended up with what? I try so hard to just be grateful for what we have, we are in a much better position than many other people. Who am I to complain?
So I guess the whole point of this rather long post is that this is probably one great big FAT switch for me. Thanks for reading, I do feel like a load has been lifted now.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Broken leg
When I was six years old I was playing with my friend in her back yard one day, we were standing in the middle of the yard when her dog Honey came running toward us. Honey wasn't running to attack us, I believe she was running toward a flock of birds that had landed at the end of the yard. Unfortunately for me, Honey was not going to change course, she was heading in a straight line and I was in her way. So I did what I thought would be a sensible thing to do, considering that I had little time to react - I jumped OVER her and twisted my left leg, breaking it at the knee. Honey kept running, she didn't turn around or try to attack me, so I knew it wasn't me she was after, it was the birds.
The break was so severe that I was unable to straighten my leg out, it was bent back behind me. My friend's dad carried me home because I was howling in pain (he had no idea my leg was broken), then my parents took me to hospital. I had to go under a general anaesthetic to have my leg straightened and put into plaster, then I stayed in hospital another couple of weeks because I was so traumatized by my experience that I refused to do a bowel movement and the hospital refused to let me go home until I did.
This could be related to the freeze response I had with Jack a few weeks ago when he came running at me barking and threatening to bite me, but I don't know for sure. I certainly don't have a fear of dogs, I love them and have had a few as pets throughout my life.
The break was so severe that I was unable to straighten my leg out, it was bent back behind me. My friend's dad carried me home because I was howling in pain (he had no idea my leg was broken), then my parents took me to hospital. I had to go under a general anaesthetic to have my leg straightened and put into plaster, then I stayed in hospital another couple of weeks because I was so traumatized by my experience that I refused to do a bowel movement and the hospital refused to let me go home until I did.
This could be related to the freeze response I had with Jack a few weeks ago when he came running at me barking and threatening to bite me, but I don't know for sure. I certainly don't have a fear of dogs, I love them and have had a few as pets throughout my life.
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